long day at home

she did what she thought was right, or at least what she thought i wanted, and i searched for the words and ways to tell her she was still not changing what needs to be changed to build the bridge between us and take the walls down... walls that have been destroying every relationship she's ever known, walls that allow her to maintain irresponsible and self-destructive behaviors (like most people, but she's living with me so she will change if she wants to stay cuz i don't play most of the self-destructive games most humans play)... almost didn't find them, but i think i did as the walls came down more than they ever have before and more acknowledgment of the changes that are actually needed came from her, almost without prompting after the confrontation broke through the walls she put up today... so hope continues... and the space, the torn up, clutter up, messed up space continues to present a challenge in this life i loosely call mine... the walls are talking as seams crack and dark smudges looking very much like mold shows through the cracks, especially where there is flooding outside... and the insects are increasing on the inside since the screens remain torn and the seals remain unsealed in doors and all through the crappy construction they did... on the positive perspective, i cleared some of the boxes from the living room and made a decision to take steps to treat for bugs and seal the cracks myself because our health is more important than the principle and money... saving money on rent is not worth this, but then, we've lived in a high end place that charged four hundred more a month that has even worst management and service, so sometimes the best we can do is deal with it... or call howie mandel... a 5K begins in six hours and we've got to be awake in less than five hours, so sleep would be wise about now... life is a whole lot more fun outside of this place anyway, so good night and make tomorrow better than today cuz that is the best we can do and, well, that's what i'm gonna do...