she wants to save the world

but she can't save herself... she recycles... she saves animals... she votes for people who say they want to save lives, pro peace, anti-war, she is a flower child decades after those times... she helps children every day, helps families figure out how to save themselves... she would not hurt a fly and she wants to save the world, but she can't save herself... she is drowning, drowning in a whirlpool of impulsivity that creates so much debt she sees no way out... she closes her eyes and the world spins around so fast, she wants to die but she is too afraid... she found him through chance, luck, or maybe some other force... she thanks god, even though he doesn't think that makes much sense... she thanks him, even though her actions continue to hurt him... she takes her medications to numb her pain, to quell her anxiety, to keep her self-loathing from physically hurting her... but that only masks the hurting going on inside in her head, in her heart, in her stomach, the pain is so constant she has almost learned to ignore it... another pill and sleep and forget, she's learned that is the way to survive... even if he doesn't think that makes sense...