a few days ago

her history of self-injury keeps him from cutting her off... somewhere inside, she knows that... and she beats herself up emotionally for keeping him in this catch-22... and he beats himself up emotionally for making it so easy for her to stay in his nest... in the material world, she earns enough to pay some of her bills and live an inexpensive life, but not enough to pay rent or utilities... inside, she is a frail child desperately believing she needs to be loved to have worth which leaves her so vulnerable that she falls for anyone who gives her some passion and attention... she is so much stronger then she was when they met, but still does not know she can be whole inside, so she seeks the reassurance and the distraction of falling in love... that keeps the responsibility for the material reality on a back burner where she stews in the belief that she is a failure whenever she confronts her lack of financial independence in this world... others are homeless and giving up on life, love, and people... she does not, which is her saving grace... she just need to choose to stop reaching for self-injury to avoid the responsibility of living within her means and then, work on a realistic plan to increase her income over time... but that is her biggest weakness, impulse control... she does not want to face the years of austerity and sacrifice it will take to overcome debts and increase her income... until she makes that decision, to control her impulses, they are trapped... last week was challenging and these words came out of it... he sometimes sees a way out and wonders if she does too... when she does, she usually she wonders if she can do it... some days she can...