not profound, just too real

she is trying so hard and still feels like a failure because she keeps failing... it drives her to such self-loathing that she wants to hurt herself for hurting him, for draining his savings, for not paying her way... month after month, year after year, she pretends she doesn't know but her anxiety is eating away at her and her budding ulcer knows... her tension knows... her pain knows... she feels so helpless and hopes he can control his anger but knows she deserves his disdain and more for she is destroying his life financially and even though he tries not to say anything, she knows he will not be able to stop working long after he could have retired, just like her father, because he supports her like her father supports her mother and sister and her nieces... she knows he should hate her, but he still takes care of her and tries to be positive and supportive and that just hurts even more when she thinks about it, so she stays away from those thoughts, not profound, just too real... is that love?... it hurts them both so much, but how can she make it up to him... and what good is talking about it... nothing changes and they both just slide deeper in the hole... she wants to ignore it and wishes he could too... he says ignoring is dying... she wonders if he is right as she tries to ignore the burning in her stomach... they are both such good kind people, they don't deserve this...